Pro Cert Blues

This school year, as is required by the wonderful state of Washington, I'm doing my Professional Certification. In a nutshell, it is a portfolio that all new teachers have to put together, guided by module questions, to prove that we are, in fact, capable of doing the job we've been doing for several years. And we have to pay for it. Awesome.

Sometimes I wonder how this came to be. Who on earth would ever think of such a requirement for new, underpaid teachers? The answer: bureaucrats. Only bureaucrats could come up with something this silly. In my head, it went a little something like this (cue fantasy music)....

Bureaucrat Schmuck #1: Hey, I've noticed that our state test scores are really low. What are we going to do about this?

Bureaucrat Schmuck #2: Well, we already have high state standards from which all our teachers teach and our universities have strict expectations.

Bureaucrat Schmuck #3: We could encourage parents to play a more active role in their children's education, or have them turn off the TV and video games, or fund all the programs we require.

B S #1: Nah. It's probably the teachers' fault. We should require more of them.

B S # 3: You mean more than the 60+ hours most of them put in every week, and their being available to parents and the obnoxiously low pay?

B S #2: Yeah, they should have to go to more school. You know, to prove that they actually learned what they learned in college.

B S #1: I like that idea. We could give them all kinds of requirements, little to no support, no timeline and of course, they should have to do it while still working a full-time job. And they should do all this in their first five years of teaching. Sounds great!

B S #3: Wow, it sounds really expensive. How are we going to pay for this?

B S #2: The individual teachers will pay for it, of course. We can't go wasting our money on teacher education.

B S #3: Hmmmm... young teachers don't make much money and many of them are still paying off student loans. Does that seem fair?

B S #1: Fair? What does that have to do with anything?

B S: #3: Well, okay. But do you really think the teachers are the reason for low test scores? They seem to be putting in a lot of time and effort.

B S #2: Are you suggesting that the problem is with students and parents? HA! No Child Left Behind tells us that all kids can perform at grade level.

B S #1: Yeah, it's not as if lack of parent support, poor diet, language barriers, learning disabilities, unhealthy sleep habits, abuse or neglect have anything to do with test scores. Come on!

B S #3: I guess you're right. But if we're going to require all this work, these teachers will at least get some major college credits or an increase of pay, right. Just like getting a master's?

B S #2: Are you serious? No way! We're doing this for their own good. They'll thank us later for all the hours and money spent. It will make them feel like better teachers. And that's what's important.

B S #1: Amen!